RANDOMLY INSANE DRABBLES
by Auto-mail Alchemist
Summary: Random Fullmetal Drabbles that are Insanely Random. Yup. Read and Review...pwease? [Puppy dog eyes]
1. I can die if I want to!

_RANDOMLY INSANE DRABBLES!_

_**I can die if I want to!

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_**DISCLAIMER: **I always tend to forget the disclaimer, so I edited this document and added it. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING BUT THE CRAZY IDEAS MENTIONED IN THIS FIC! God, this is pointless…

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Edward Elric sighed and stopped in front of the doorway to Winrii Rockbell's. Hesitating to knock, he swallowed hard and rapidly and gently banged his fist across the wooden oak door. Footsteps were heard from beyond this door. Ed was about to turn and run, but instead, he faced his fears and waited. The door opened slightly and all Ed saw was the flashing glare from the sun reflecting off of metal.

Only thing was...it wasn't any sort of auto-mail prosthetic. It was a gun.

Two seconds passed and he dropped the gun. Alphonse was terrified deeply and Winrii came rushing down the stairs to the scene. "Alphonse! What the hell...EDWARD!" Winrii cried out. Running to Ed's side, Winrii began yelling sad things. Yelling, "No! Ed! You can't die!" or, "Edward, you alchemy freak, wake up! You can't die!"

It felt so awkward. But it felt so right. Ed's hand twitched as he began fading away, and as soon as Winrii began to scream out his name and yelled at him, telling him he wasn't allowed to die, Ed had the urge to protest. But how? He was dead!

Ah, why not come back to life? Yeah, that's what he'll do, even if it's for only a second.

Flying forward, Winrii fell back, her eyes as wide as possible. Suddenly, Edward spoke.

"I can die if I want too, damn it!" And with that, Ed fell back down and died peacefully. Well...almost peacefully, pretty darn close.

Winrii and Al exchanged glances and Winrii walked off, a bit terrified by the fact that Ed had came back to life just to protest whether he was allowed to die or not.

Al looked at Ed and just stared at his lifeless body. "Brother?" No response. Al shrugged and walked away. Soon after, Ed sat up and yawned, got up and walked away.

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_**A/N:** I notice a few things. I forgot the disclaimer. I found some misspellings, and I noticed it was extremely short. Well, the short part was sort of the point. It's a random **drabble**, right? Well, enjoy…I'll add the disclaimer now… -Adds disclaimer-_


	2. HEADSHOT!

_RANDOMLY INSANE DRABBLES_

_**HEADSHOT!

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_**DISCLAIMER: **This is SO pointless! Why do we even need these? But whatever, I down own Fullmetal Alchemist…

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Edward walked into Roy's office, once more, without knocking or giving any warning that he was gonna do so. Stopping in front of Mustang's overly crowded desk, Edward looked at the Colonel and raised an eyebrow. "So, Mustang, what'ja call me down for THIS time?" Ed asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Looking at the mass amounts of paper work he had to do, Roy looked up and said,

"I just wanted to ask you a few questions. Simple, really." Roy smirked. "The first question is: do you have dictionary…" His words began to fade as Ed lifted an eyebrow once more and he tilted his head. Roy continued by finishing his last few words, "…Where you get all these short related words?" Ed's eyes widened and his face began to become extremely crimson red.

"WHAT?" Roy began to snickered as Ed began to feel very hot-headed and nauseated. Suddenly…

**BOOM!**

Ed's head had exploded into trillions of itsy bitsy pieces. _He must've been very explosive or something_, thought Roy, _Ah, well…_

Roy decided to make some signs and post them out side his office. Each sign said, "CAUTION! FLAMMABLE ALCHEMIST INSIDE! ENTER AT OWN RISK!"

"Poor Edward..."

Suddenly, Edward flunged forward and he had his head back. "That was mean, Roy..." And he died. Roy was shot by Riza andshe was burned by Havoc's cigarette.

They all died happily ever after.

The End.

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_**A/N: **Well, here's the second RANDOM DRABBLE! Anyways…I thought back to when me and my friend were talking and yeah…thanks for reading…now REVIEW! Lol…_


	3. THEY'RE MOCKING ME!

_RANDOMLY INSANE DRABBLES_

_**THEY'RE MOCKING ME!

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_**DISCLAIMER:** Pointless, as usual, but… I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS, ONLY THE PILLOWS MENTIONED! THE PLOT'S MINE TOO…

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Winrii Rockbell walked steady to a large building. The year was randomly set in 2004, and she was wearily doing as her authoress told her to do. "So…I'm here to buy stuff, eh?" She asked herself. The authoress nodded and Winrii shrugged and continued into the building. Setting foot into the building she read a sign that said, "Great Northern Mall".

She looked at the sign and wondered what this mall would have in store for her. So she stood, staring at the sign, and wondered for a bit.

About ten minutes of wondering, she decided to start walking. During the ten minutes, people would pass her and stare weirdly at her as if she was crazy, or something. But she brushed it off as "weird customers". Sighing wearily, she turned into the next hallway and found a line of stores. Walking past each one, she stopped in front of one named "Suncoast Movies".

"Movies, huh? Well, let's check it out, then." And she walked in. Looking around, she found small cases called DVD cases, and she browsed, trying to figure out what a "DVD" was.

As she started walking back to the front of the store, a store clerk passed her and waved. He had apparently just set some plush pillows on a table near the entrance of the store. She picked one of the two up and read the tag. "Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward Elric Pillow Plush." She blinked and held onto it as she picked up another pillow. "Fullmetal Alchemist. Alphonse Elric Pillow Plush." She blinked again and held onto that one, as well. About 20 minutes later, she came up to the counter and laid those two pillows out.

"Hello, miss, is you a cosplayer?" She stared blankly at him and cocked an eyebrow. He sighed and shook his head. "Well, you're dressing up as Winrii Rockbell…"

"I am Winrii Rockbell, I have proof. WHY DOES EVERYONE ASK ME THIS STUFF?" She screamed out. The man began laughing and she growled.

"Oh, really?" he started, "then show me your "proof"." He added. Winrii shuffled around her bag and pulled out a wallet. It was pure black leather, with white trimming and a neat design set on the front. She opened it and showed the man her driver's license. He looked amused but he let her slide. Winrii bought the items and walked out of the store.

She went home and placed the pillows on her bed.

-Later that night-

Winrii walked into her room with silky white pajamas and a yawn along with it. She laid down beneath the covers and tried to fall asleep. Around an hour of sleeping she opened one eye and looked over at the pillows. These pillows were weird. She then attempted to fall asleep again, but failed and sat up and looked down at the pillows.

Then she spoke. "Quit it." She said, staring at those darn pillows. "I said quit! QUIT MOCKING ME!" She growled and scooted to the far end of her bed and looked at her pillows. "DAMMIT! I said quit mocking me you freaking pillows!"

They weren't doing anything but sitting there. But in Winrii's mind, they were mocking her. "I said stop you evil bastards! STOP MOCKING ME!" She roared and grabbed a knife.

**SPLURT!**

Winrii fell to the ground covered in a bloody mess. Ed and Al walked into the room and stared at her lifeless body then shrugged and walked out.

The end.

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_**A/N: **HA HA! That was funny! Kinda weird…but funny! Next Drabble will hopefully be thought of by the end of today…_

_ENJOY!_


	4. Those talking walls

_RANDOMLY INSANE DRABBLES!_

_**Those talking walls…**_

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_**DISCLAIMER: **POINLESS! Yup…I don't own anything but the insane plot here._

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Edward moved about the room looking at each little detail. Edward was a new designer for houses. He drew a horribly looking picture and he would use it to design someone's home. Well, once Ed finally got his driver's license, he decided to try for a new job, instead of being a dog of the military, so he could afford his own vehicle instead of always borrowing Riza's. Ed decided to be a designer. He had always had these vibrant dreams, so why not show these dreams to the world? He thought that it would be an awesome idea.

So, one day, he came to the military headquarters and walked to Roy's office. Walking in, without even a knock at the door, Ed stopped at the entrance and held a hand to his chin in tho8ght as he scouted out the area. Roy looked up, quite surprised Ed wasn't yelling when he first set foot into his room. Ah well, he'd have to make Ed scream by calling him short, again. If you didn't notice it, then you were obviously brain dead, but Roy LOVED to tease Ed of his height.

But Ed continued to look around Roy's room, automatically visualizing what it would be like if he were to design it. Then Ed removed his hand and walked over to Roy. Roy opened his mouth to say something, but Ed leaned over his desk and pressed a finger to his lips. Roy blushed a hot crimson color and his body felt like it was burning.

Ed then spoke softly, "Roy, I'm gonna do you a favor…" Roy raised an eyebrow and sat back in his chair, as Ed straightened his body up.

"What is this favor you speak of?" Ed smiled very femininely and looked at Roy intently.

"I'm gonna design your office." He said as Roy's face turned from questionable to freaked out.

"WH…WH…WHAT?" Roy shouted with much fear in his eyes.

Ed sighed and shook his head as he sat down on the sofa in Roy's office. Crossing a leg over the other one, Ed piped up, "Yes, I'm gonna design your room."

Had Ed lost it? Roy was severely scared now and he stood up. _I'm gonna made Ed realize what he's saying_, thought Roy, _so…I'm outta here!_

Roy dashed out of his room and Ed stood up, a look of concerned spread over his face. As Ed began to walk over to the door, Roy slammed it shut and locked it.

Now, Ed had given up alchemy when he became a designer, so he wasn't about to use it to get himself out of there. Ed sat back at the sofa and sighed. Over the minutes, he switched positions, shifting and moving, for he was very uncomfortable. He hated being cramped up in small spaces and this just happened to be small enough to make Ed feel awkward.

Edward stood and walked over to a wall and just randomly kicked it. Then he looked at it and with a sigh, started to talk to it, "So, how've ya been?"

No response.

"Are you ignoring me?" He asked the wall.

Again, no response.

"You bastard, talk to me!" He cried out and began to kick the wall with his left foot, creating large dents and cracks to appear.

Suddenly, "Will you quite kicking the living shit out of me?" Ed stood and stared dumbfounded.

"You….you…"

"Is that ALL you have to say to me? I stand here, everyday, all day, and let people hang things on me by hammering nails into me, and now you kick me and all I get is a 'you'?" The wall rambled. Edward was in complete and utter shock.

"YOU TALK!" The wall grunted and rolled its eyes. "AND YOU HAVE EYES!"

"Yes, Edward Elric, I TALK! I have EYES! D'uh!" The wall said with a sigh.

Suddenly Ed fainted and died. Then, Roy came in and sat at his desk and looked at the alchemist. "Whoops…" he said shrugging. Suddenly, the wall spoke.

"Hello Roy." Roy looked at the wall and pulled out his gloved hand with the alchemy circle on it. Snapping his fingers, he burned the wall into billions of tiny itsy bitsy pieces of chop liver. Then he ate Edward's head and proceeded to throw himself out of a window. Ed woke up and laughed, even though he didn't have a head to do so.

Riza came in and started shooting Edward until he turned into nothing. Then, Havoc burned Riza with his cigarette…again…and killed her…

Sadly, there was no funeral for Roy but one for Ed. Nobody showed up, though. Sadly… v.v

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_**A/N:** Well, that was the longest and WEIRDEST drabble ever. I'm weird. Ed's a designer and he's talking to walls. How awkward. LOL! Enjoy. OwO_


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